well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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