I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Shame - the story of my life.
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