addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
