all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
