I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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