oh god the rape fog is back!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
