what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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