jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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