They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
