What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
