i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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