just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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