I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
