How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
