It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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