I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
