I think I am morally bankrupt
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
