I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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