Well douche your snatch and let's go!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
