I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
