What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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