They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
