just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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