forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
