I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize