bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Everclear isn't food dammit
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
