Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
