She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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