don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize