I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize