what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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