i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
