If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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