Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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