you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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