so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
