FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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