discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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