peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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