pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
