He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
