I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
