She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
