you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
