I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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