too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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