Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I smell like Dick and happiness
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
