I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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