I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
