worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
