In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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