It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
