He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
