At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
