First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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