Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
