If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
