We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
