Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
