I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
