Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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