What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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