omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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