Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We left an ass print on the piano.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
